i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
