After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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