If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
