I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I want is dick and wine.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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