Porn is love you can see.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
