Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
