Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
