dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
