She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
