I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
