I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
