Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
