Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
