if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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