i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
