I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
