i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
