living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
