i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
