i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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