you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
