Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
