your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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