New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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