drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
