it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
