vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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