There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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