is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
