I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
