i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
