shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
