Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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