i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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