I can tuck mytits in my pants
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
