mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
