Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
