Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sext me about skeletons
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
