Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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