Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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