we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
