last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
