So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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