I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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