The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
