I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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