margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
