Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I currently don't understand fingers.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
