Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
