Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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