Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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