you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
