I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
