Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
A+ Viking dick
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
