can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
