You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
