I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
