So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
