I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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