recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
