I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
