OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
