just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize