it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
