I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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