The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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