come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
