You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize