If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
