Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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