plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
