We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
