Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This baby is an asshole
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
