i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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