Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
