Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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