id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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